If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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