In the future we'll all be gay
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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