the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
