none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
