i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
