Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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