Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
