One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
