I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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