btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Drake has all the answers
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
