You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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