You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
