Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I hope mine doesn't look like that
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
