the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
