When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
