Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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