just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Your cock deserves a montage
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
