does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
