hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish life had little blips of pornography
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
