worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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