I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i believe in u and ur pee
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So apparently I’m into choking now
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
