my mouth tastes like poor choices
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
