i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
