I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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