Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
