I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
