She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
