with your own penis?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so explain again why im purple
no
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There r osticjed everywhere
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
