Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
