I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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