my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
