The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
