you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
