Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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