i barfeds in our rink
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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