grandma shit on top of the toilet
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
