Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
