Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
