It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hippo gnu deer
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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