Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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