I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I want her autograph on my taint
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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