I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
