wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
