So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
