How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
