Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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