Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
