sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Panties = found
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
