i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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