She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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