I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
