Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
